November 22, 2009

An odd feeling...

I have had an off weekend and it all started friday afternoon at around 3:00 when my aunt called. My grandfather, on my dads side, was admitted into the ICU and family was being contacted because they feared he wouldn't make it. For most families when something like this happens they would call family members and everyone would rush to the family is a little different.
When I was around 4 years old my grandfather brought gifts for my sister and I on christmas day. I barely remember the day other than my sister and I sitting there shaking the presents and my grandfather standing in the doorway as my parents had a serious conversation with him. He left and I remember my father crying. The reason for all of this was that as he was leaving he was telling my parents that ties were to be severed and we can't see each other again. It was completely out of the blue. My parents fought him about it asking if they could at least bring the girls (my sister and I) over to see them. but he said no, and as far as i'm aware, never gave an answer as to why. His wife is not my grandmother and She has never really liked my family.
After about 10 years they slowly came back into our lives. There was one christmas that they stopped by, they came to my high school graduation, he came to my sisters wedding (she did not) and there were maybe a handful (4-5) visits over the years. A few weeks ago when my aunt (his daughter) visited from florida we (my aunt, cousin, sister, Collin and i) met him for lunch. To say we are estranged would be a gross understatement, because I was only 4 years old so to me he was just not there. I barely know him. In addition my father had a mid-life crisis 10 years ago and left my mom for another woman, He said horrible things to my sister and I and basically lost his entire family. My aunt, his uncles and aunts, his best friends. Pretty much everyone he was close to he no longer has contact with.... so when my aunt called me it became a scramble to figure out how to get hold of people. Trying to figure out who might have been called by the hospital and who doesn't know yet and who would be the best person to tell those people.
I feel a lot of guilt. I feel like I should be worried for my grandfather or want to go see him... but the only way I can describe what i'm feeling is by relating it to is finding out someone I went to high school with, but didn't really know, is sick. A feeling of, "thats too bad". I haven't cried,and I don't feel the need to...but I feel heavy and worried. I'm worried about my aunt, my father and my sister... I'm worried with how they are dealing with it all and i'm hoping that he will pull through for them. If you could please say a prayer for him, I would appreciate it. His name is Newton Brown.

On a brighter note I bought our christmas tree on friday night! It's a beautiful pre-lit 7.5' tall tree and only 3' wide!! It's sooo tall and skinny! I love it! It even has a few little pinecones sporadically placed on it. I can't wait to go buy a tree skirt and new tree topper for it!!! We have a little 4" tree too that I may end up putting in the back room as well. :)

...and today is Spencer and I's 3-year anniversary!!! This photo was taken of us last year after an amazing dinner at the American Restraunt. I think we're going to go celebrate later this week but tonight we are having dinner with our parents. My mom felt bad because she didn't get to spend much time with them at our housewarming party so we're having dinner together at the Hereford House at 6:00 tonight so they can get to know one another. :) I think I may get some greenery to put outside too. :) I love greenery and red berries and twinklie whtie lights at christmastime!

...and Mia is now ranked 29 out of 861! Go Mia!!!!!!

I saw New Moon. Some of Spencer's co-workers were going to the 10:00 showing last night so we went along with them. He said I needed to get my mind off of things...and he was right. Now, I know I may get some angry comments from this but I absolutely HATED the first movie. I thought it was downright awful and they didn't explain things well enough. I went with someone who had read the book and 2 people who hadn't. The two people who hadn't had no clue what was going on. particularly with Jasper's charactor. They had no idea why he acted so weird and guessed that maybe he was "special" or "rode the short bus" hahe. The added-in line of "come with me my spider monkey" and the row of 13 year olds behind us saying in explicit detail what they would do to him....well, it left a bit to be desired. But I was curious to see this movie because of the change in director and it was actually suprisingly good. I won't say its in my top 25 movie list or anything, but it was entertaining. (although I think its funny everyone is going nuts over Edwards abs....and hate to break it to you...but they are painted on.) Overall I gave it 4 out of 5 stars. Liked it, but not loved it.

I hope everyone has a fabulous sunday and a great start to the week!!!!!


Rasha @ and this is what she said... said...

Sorry about your grandfather.

Yay for the Christmas tree and 3rd anniversary!!!

I voted for mia again :)

Have a better rest of the weekend dear.

my name is lauren. said...

sorry to hear about your situation. we're not very close to my dad's side of the family, so I can sort of relate a bit. that's always a hard position to be in because you feel like you should be sad, but you're just not.

cute christmas tree. christmas decorating is so fun :).

p.s. i'm voting for mia again....right....NOW.

Tracy-Girl said...

I am so sorry about your situation - it must be so confusing, and so hurtful to think of the past your family has had. Thank you for sharing it, and just know that you are not alone. You and your family will be in my thoughts.

The Xmas tree is beautiful... I am so excited to go get ours soon too. I love this time of year.

my name is lauren. said...


i'm always checking out your blog, so now i made it official that you're stuck with me as a follower :).

Savvy Gal said...

i am sorry about your grandfather and about your situation. as for new moon, my girl friends all want to see it and i do too but i am not going to go gaga over it. i read all 4 books and actually prefer reading over watching the movie.

Anonymous said...

it is okay to feel that way as your grandfather did not act like a grandfather. I know he does love us but due to divorces and remarriages was not able to necessarily show it. I know he enjoyed seeing all of us at lunch and I am so glad that we all got to visit with him while we were in town.
Your dad and I think he is going to pull out of it. His breathing is better.
We will all think good thoughts and pray for him.
Aunt B

kelleidoscope said...

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather, but I've been in similar situations. He's your grandfather, sure, but the decision was made to not be a part of your life. It's not like you were both really close and you just don't care. I'll pray, though.. definitely. Family is family, no matter what has happened.

Happy Anniversary!

Anonymous said...

aww, Jenni, i am so sorry to hear about your situation. that sounds really tough and hard to know how you feel or how you should feel. i will keep you in my prayers! i felt the same way about twilight. i thought newmoon was much better. i dont see the big hype about edward though. anyway, congrats on your anniversary! you guys are so cute!

Kimbirdy said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandpa and all the complicated stuff that has come up. Don't feel guilty. You have enough to worry about. Be gentle with yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you. And congrats on the 3 year anniversary!

Summer (BisforBrown) said...

I am so sorry about your grandfather. I will say a prayer for sure, darlin. Hang in there, ok? BIG BUG HUG!

Happy Anny! 3 years! YAY! This is something to celebrate, lovey!

GO MIA, GO MIA, GO MIA! Can you vote more than once? Is that cheating? hah!

There is a Jasper in New Moon? WHo? OMG! That is a boy's name we like.

Annie said...

mia is now ranked at 25!! ;)
sending you hugs hun, very sorry to hear about your grandpa.
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the two of you!! make sure a cute couple!!
have fun decorating your trees! i can't wait to decorate this weekend!!

Corinne said...

You're tree sounds similar to the one we were first going to get! I'm sure it's beautiful!
I have decided to wait and watch the new film in the comfort of my own home. Those girls (well, I remember what I was like at that age)...haha it's just going to be so hard waiting!
Congrats on your anniversary! So exciting!
Also, I grew up right outside Columbia and moved to Columbia when I did my undergrad! I miss it so much!!

Allyson said...

sorry about all your family drama. family drama sucks...speaking from experience. i hope everything turns out ok for everyone involved.

happy anniversary! {a little late sorry}